Personal Growth

It’s hard being a single mom.
It’s especially hard being a single mom of a boy with special needs.

A year ago I would have added that it’s hard to ask for help. A year ago I would have tried to do everything on my own. A year ago I would have cried myself into a panic out of frustration. A year ago I would have yelled at the world questioning what I did to deserve to go through this alone.

Everyone is always telling me how strong I am. I smile and reply “I’m just doing what I have to.” The truth is, I don’t always know how to deal with life. I don’t always know how to process my emotions. I don’t know how to take care of myself. I wasn’t being strong. I was simply ignoring the existence of everything that was breaking me. The only thing I truly know how to do is put my son first. No matter how I feel I always put my son first. How was I going to continue to care for my son if I wasn’t caring for myself?

This year I admitted to myself that I wasn’t okay. I took the first step to becoming a better me.
More importantly a better mother.

Today in a situation that would have caused panic a year ago, I was strong enough to call for help. I called for help as my son was calmly laying in a mess we had both tried to avoid. I called my mom while trying to figure out where to start.

Today I am proud to accept asking for help as one of my strengths.
Today I made it through a stressful situation without breaking down.
I no longer feel like a helpless single mom.
I am no longer too proud to ask for help from the people that have always been here for me.

It doesn’t always have to be hard.

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